i wonder how much my personality changes when i'm drunk, or how accurate it is. i wonder about the people i've only met when they've been drunk. are you always an asshole? do you always speak so loudly? will i always feel uncomfortable around you?

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS
lol. no one understands why i miss my hair so much. i like that it's short and i can have little pony tails that are just the cutest. but i miss braiding my hair and putting it on top of my head in a bun and even brushing it. or feeling my fingers through it in the shower.
even if my hair was this long

the rats outside sound like little monkeys

normally i would write this down for myself, but today i feel like writing it here.
lynne was in town for a couple days so i finally got to see her. i love her so much and i miss her already. i'm sad because i think that was goodbye until i visit here in sf whenever that is...also i'm sad because chief died recently and he was awesome and he was in remission but i guess two bouts of cancer could kill even him. so i hung out with lynne. she inspired me to exercise more and also to get a secret thing done to my head. and also i'm glad she was back because for some reason i only see charlie with her even though i like him a lot and i also hadn't seen kevin and kathryn. i think kathryn has a drinking problem. ummm. she denies it. also, sleepovers at nu delta are fun and it's also fun because jason's room is in the basement with a door to the street and laundry (for free!) down the hall. so basically i was hanging out with lynne the past two days.
today i woke up early. it was my first night at the apartment in about a week and i barely got to hang out with katie and perri (christine spent the night in lincoln). when i got back to cleveland circle last night the place was messy. i think it's because i wasn't there and i'm very tidy. it's easy to realize how tidy i am in that apartment because there is a place for everything and i like to put things in there place and pick up little bits of trash and clean the coffee filter out and empty trash or the dishwasher or whatever. so i did that and when katie and perri got home i think they were happy. i was so tired and all i wanted to do was finish "wide sargasso sea" but they were going to allston to have dinner and beer. not for me, recently because recently i've been getting too drunk. so they left and i was going to finish the book but then katie's computer was open and her browser was open to netflix so i finally watched "la belle et la bete", mais j'etais fatiguee, donc j'ai dormi. then they got back and went to sleep and i was restless and looked online at haircuts i want to get (shhh, secret excitement), and finally i finished that book and it was spooky and i liked it a lot even though it was not my favorite.
so that was last night. this morning i woke up at 8am again and had coffee and cereal and a banana and then caught the 86 to harvard square and then the red line to central. that was on a whim since i was planning on going to dado and working but instead i decided to surprise bryan, drop off my computer and work out. so i did all those things and bryan was so happy to see me and i forgot how much fun it is to surprise someone special in the middle of a dream. then i went to star market and got yummy things like watermelon and corn and bread and oj and other things and went back and made lunch. lunch was mac n' cheese with broccoli and watermelon. there was also a mini serious conversation about the future. MIAM MIAM!
then i realized 'oh fuck, i forgot my pants for the meeting tomorrow at the apt.' so i went back and found the pants and my shoes and a shirt and did laundry and hung out with katie and perri and christine. chrsitine was in a bad mood because her phone died for a little while and she is intense about things like that. katie was quiet. i wonder what's up with her because she has been looking sad and lonely for a while. sometimes she is happy and fun, but most of the time i think she would rather be alone and smoke a cigarette and maybe think about a boy and then feel lonely. i also tried to paint my nails but they looked bad.
now i'm here in bryan's room and i should be preparing for tomorrow (oh yeah, perry(hung) said i could borrow his car. so excited to drive) but i'm writing this and i keep thinking 'ugh, i wish i could just get my hair cut NOW!' but no such luck.
oh yeah, overall i'm happy. very happy. but being with out a job kind of sucks and i feel depressed about it and i am stressed out because the summer is almost over and then i will have nowhere to live except here if bryan doesn't get too sick of my already.

it feels like summer. all i'm missing is a kari above me.

wow!

inversions are so cool! i will practice my headstand :)
this yogi, dharma mittra, has been practicing yoga in nyc for 45 years! !!!! and he took all of these pictures himself by pressing the shutter release in his mouth.
more more more!

last night doing back bends driving on twisty roads in the mountains with my family in the front and me in the back with a strange older man who loves lines and has his hair shaved with the most beautiful, simple lines. there was a shack with a party. i wasn't invited. so i went into this car and we decided not to go to the liquor store here but to drive to some cheap one on route 2. i don't know of any liquor store on rt. 2 except at the end of it in the mall by fresh pond. but we were going west anyways. probably far enough out there is one. like in acton or somewhere.
spring break is over. there are people walking in and out of my suite again.

do you know how bebop started? why black people are so fucking good at bebop? do you know why white folks just. can't. do. it. they. may. be. stiff. but that's not why. not exactly. they may listen and buy every record and practice with the black people. but they can't do it. why the sounds they make just don't jive? why? because white people didn't hear what a night stick beating on their heads just for being white sounds like. but black people did. bop bop bop be bop. i love the word "jive" even though i feel uncomfortable using it. what. oh, gtg. anjuli is in love.

i wish
someone would say something really nice to me. it's been such a long time since i've been complimented. SO please find something about me that you like and come tell me what it is. but wait a little while so i don't think you're saying it just because you read my blog...or do, ok? thanks.
my room feels kind of dirty. here's why: everyone. should. know. that. the other day. i smoked. two cigarettes. i blame it on joe, the freshman. i was naked and i painted my nails red and i put on red lipstick and i sat in front of my huge mirror and watched myself while i was smoking. then i kept playing my flute and got lipstick on the lip plate. and that's why my room feels dirty because it still smells a little bad. and i have a pile of sheets in the corner.
tonight i cooked dinner for drew shapiro. roast chicken! i never cook meat, but i'm going to start. ugh. i realized this week that i either don't have any friends or i don't like any of the people i used to hang out with. i was especially reminded of this tuesday night when justen, perry, and charlie made me feel like shit by making fun of me and my sex life while drunk. and then, again, on friday when i was pretty much stood up by my old best friend, alice brooks. (charlie and perry apologized but of course justen hasn't and i still haven't heard from alice) i wish i could go back home but my mom is not talking to me and i try to talk to rian but i get so upset whenever i think about him that if i talk to him i inevitably hang up on him. also, i hate cell phones. i talked to my brother for an hour the other day but we had to call each other back three times because our calls kept getting dropped. i'm going to find a phone to receive calls in bexley. i think i can do that. so yeah. i really really really need to start feeling good about myself again. thank you.